2-271 (Original)

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<source><g=m><o=b><age=32><status=2><abode=01><p=nsw><r=pcw><tt=ve><2-271>
TWO SATIRES ON THE GLADSTONE COLONY
1
How blessed the land where Barney's gentle sway
Spontaneous felons joyfully obey;
Where twelve bright bayonets only can suffice
To check the wild exuberance of vice!
Where thieves shall work at trades with none to buy,
And stores unguarded pass unrifled by;
Strong in their new-found rectitude of soul,
Tame without law, and good without control!
Bless'd land! what mightly words thy future hides!
What zigzag road shall climb thy mountain sides!
Where travellers shall view with proud disdain
The shorter path across the neighbouring plain!
What harbours bristling with unsounded reefs
Shall shield the Navies of thy future chiefs!
What aqueducts shall bear thy river's bed,
Free from the modern heresy of lead,
To slake some parched city's thirst profound,
Built ere a single water-hole was found!
In that blest region sure 'twill natural seem
To bridge the dry and ford the turbid stream,
And each invention there will meet success,
Which makes the labour more and produce less.
Windmills in swamps and water-wheels on high,
This shall the stream eschew and that the sky;
The sail shall steam, the oar the sail disgrace,
Oars change to paddles, paddles poles replace,
Till one by one each art and science fall,
And Barney's intellect is all in all.

2
Here Barney landed - memorable spot,
Which Mitchell never from the map shall blot - 
Leaving his steamer stranded on a bank,
Regardless if the sailors swam or sank. [25]
Obeying Nature's most esteemed command - 
Self-preservation - here did Barney stand.
What did he there? The venerable man!
He came an embryo city's birth to plan;
Wiser than Solomon, when first he traced
Tadmor and Balbec, cities of the waste.
For six long hours he did the search pursue - 
For six long hours - and then he thirsty grew;
Back to the rescued steamer did he steer,
Drew the loud cork and quaffed the foaming beer;
Then ate his dinner with tremendous gust
And with champagne relieved his throat adust;
Fished for his brother flatfish from the stern,
And thus, victorious, did to Sydney turn!
Weep not, my Barney! tremble not, my Brown!
Nor dread abatement of your high renown;
What though the Commissariat growl to pay
Your steamer's hire at thirty pounds a day;
What though your city on the northern shore
Remain as much a phantom as before;
Though people ask you for their quo a quid,
And say: "Twas ever thus that Barney did.
Thus did he build a quay beneath the tide - 
Thus scoop a basin where no ship can ride - 
Thus carry roads on lowlands and o'er highlands - 
Thus spoil our harbour - thus blow up our islands.'
Weep not, my friends! Who knows, or who can tell
How well yourselves he served, and us, how well?
Oh! had some fever with its breath of flame
Blighted heroic Barney's stalwart frame;
Or had some savage, ignorant and dull,
Spiked the electric battery of his skull,
Then had our cup of woe indeed been full.
But now, let envy howl, let faction groan,
Yet, Barney! yet we have thee all our own.
Critics may cavil, governors may chafe,
We've lost a thousand pounds - but Barney's safe!
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